Autism Acceptance Month and #HAWMC day 20! **Omg 10 days left! **

Travel Time. If you could travel to anywhere in the world, where would you
go? Why? We also know traveling with a chronic illness can be challenging, so
any tips for others that you can share would be great!

With the thought of going anywhere for any length of time and not having to worry about cost *money OR spoons*, I would go on a year's travel. I would go on sort of a road trip to where ever the wind told me to go! ( I realize it would be highly impossible for many reasons, but here is my amazing imaginary trip)

Starting with here on this side of the world I would visit NewBrunswick again and NovaScotia, and then by boat , because its so much better than airplanes, I would travel across to Scotland , I'd like to walk the royal mile and Ireland to see where the giants lived, Wales etc.
I want to see the Peter pan statue and leave him a thimble someday!
*double points if you know what the heck I'm talking about X3 *
I'd like to visit places with beautiful buildings and gorgeous trees, pretty places , beaches, I want to spend some time in a monastery in Tibet or somewhere to just BE and BE quiet at some point in my life so this road trip could include that :)
 I want to see the oldest places and new ones, caves and ruins and feilds and cities and everything in between !

There are loads of things to do and people to meet , places to go and see , and we would meet and go and see them all!
Ou! The haunted forest in Japan at the base of mount Fuji!
And Australia , then come back round again by boat, because boats are SO much better than airplanes X) To HAWAII! To see the volcanoes , find Pele, and learn to surf :)
And all the way back up , through florida, to see the new Harry Potter stuff at Universal studios, and AAAALLLLLLL the way back up , Home again :)
Sounds like a good trip yes?
**And if we're still assuming I am a time lord as per my superpower, I have a Tardis, and we could just travel back and forth in time to see the beginnings and ends of castles, the creation of and current citites! What a cool experience would that be!?**

So , pretty much around the world in 365 days :)

Anyways, as for advice on travelling with Autism, always have your sensory items close at hand, sunglasses to cut bad light, something soft , something wring-y , earplugs or ipod loaded with amazing travelling music, sunscreen, a hat, gum etc. What ever you need to help get you through, AND always carry a small version of this sensory kit on your person, so that when, *I would say if, but it does happen* when you get separated from the rest of your gear, there are objects of comfort nearby when you have anxiety etc.

Take only your most MOST comfy clothing, better if they look nice for travelling, but hey, its YOUR vacation , wear what you like and want to wear :) I prefer soft leggings, little skirts , long bamboo shirts and a sweater. If its not sweater weather, soft leggings , pretty , soft dresses etc. I always love wearing leg warmers and soft sox with no seams, and good runners built , like seriously BUILT for walking! Because I walk, EVERYWHERE. And I'm super hard on shoes :)
If you like peanut butter or ketchup, I suggest you bring these with you, as many places in the world , actually don't stock them! And of course, don't forget your pillow or teddy bear. X)
And just to warn you , toilet paper looks funny in different places too. *lols*

Most of all, travel with someone you trust and love, its more fun to share an adventure than go solo!
*Unless you're cool about travelling all by your ones-y *

Of course my essentials list also includes good sketcher , miniature watercolor set and a variety of pens pencils and eraser :) I don't ever leave home without them! And if I'm going to be seeing SO many amazing places, I'd better have it handy!

Alrighty! Its been a really good , long day involving visitors and chocolate bunnies!
I'm out!

Love and a Spoon!
<3(___)=========

Autism Acceptance Month and #HAWMC day 19!

Lesson Learned. What’s a lesson you learned the hard way? Tell us a time
when you made a mistake and promised never to make that same mistake
again. Write about it for 15 today


My lesson learned, is loving myself.

Ok, now to write for fifteen minutes on this, there are so many many things I could change if
I had a time machine and the self acceptance and love that I have now. I'd go back and tell me
exactly how I become myself, because, I never HAD a sense of self. I was always a mix of
whomever I was nearest at the moment. Which, lead to some pretty bad times for me. I got mixed
in with a dark and overwhelming crowd, and I had NO idea what it was doing to me because I
had no idea why I was so broken.
 I didn't love myself because I couldn't , I had no idea how!

 I was always trying to be someone I wasn't ,JUST to fit in, trying too hard to have other people
like me,  by defining myself by their parameters. The problem with trying to be something, ANYTHING I wasn't, because I felt like I had to ,was taking me down the fast path to the deep dark rabbit hole of depression, I felt, inhuman, in the worst of ways.

In the more recent past, I've let go of , and cut out A LOT of negativity. People with negative thoughts and habits really influence me quite badly because it seems to seep from them like a terrible fog. I choose not to be entrenched by others' negativity. I choose to surround myself with as much happiness and love as I can :)

I've grown a lot as a human bean, because I understand that love comes first from within.
Like Ru Paul says, " If you can't love yourself , how in the HELL you' gonna love someone else!?"
I am so proud of just how far I have come, and each person I have in my life today has given me something of themselves that helped me to grow.
 One friend taught me to ''OWN MY SHIT" its such a valuable peice of advice because it took her time and experience to find those words , and its a mantra  in our house gets repeated often.
 "I am enough, I am worthy, I am AWESOME! DEAL WITH IT!" **That one is my own doing :)**
I've come so far from the shy, closed up person I used to be, I've made friends, I've found love, I've done things I didn't think I was able to do and I'm forging a path through my own wilderness. Sure, there are still days where monsters crawl out of the thorn bushes to heckle me and try to push me back to the rabbit hole, but I have better means of defending myself now, I use the courage, strength, and love that people in my life have given me and I fight back against my old demons!
 *they're looking pretty worse for the wear these days.*

There are so many reasons that I had no self love , but I'm clearing up the mental attic slowly and finding
more and more all the time!
I just had to figure a few things out first :)

Love and a Spoon
<3 (___)========

Autism Acceptance Month and #HAWMC Day 18!

5 Challenges & 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of
your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small
victories) that keep you going.

The five most difficult challenges I face with Autism are:

1) Looking just fine, and passing: I don't look like anything is going on under the surface, which is great and horrible at the same time. I've heard it often said by parents of kids with Aspergers or milder showing symptoms of Autism that it would be ''easier'' and at the same time more difficult if their children were more severe. It took me some time to understand this, but looking back at my life , I guess I get where they were going with that . The more outward your symptoms, the better help you are able to receive because you are ''SEEN". There is outward proof positive that you are the way you are , no walls to break down first, no waiting for the inevitable meltdown after a social occasion. Some days I realize why parents say it would be easier if their children with A.S.D had a more physical difficulty. I pass for normal much of the time, but like I repeat, there are repercussions to passing. 

2) Much to do with the above , People judge me just by looking: What they don't see is that I really AM trying. When someone asks what I do, and I reply I'm between jobs right now, you can see that almighty flash of judgement in their eyes. Not every person, but many. They have no idea how hard it is for me to A: find and B: keep  a job. So I'm in a perma-state of inbetween-ness. Its unbearable that people think I'm just super lazy, NO man, I battle my anxiety to leave the house, I have fights with myself to open that door and just step out. I bargain with myself to get the sheaf of resume's out again, its just another 50 resume's, you can do it, then you don't have to go ANYWHERE tomorrow. 

And before I even hit the door to fight with it to get out , I've already done battle with the closet and half the clothing in it trying to find something that is comfortable enough that it won't add to the day's spoon tax, doesn't set off my sensory disorder , and still looks like I could fit in to at least a semi professional environment. There are whole pages of judgement I could write about , but I'll leave it here because I don't want to dig further into negative feelings than I have to :( 

 At least I ''look just fine''.

3)Clothing: being a curvy girl and having sensory processing disorder, just isn't easy. I love comfy clothing that isn't itchy , scratchy , bitey, red, too tight, too hot, too cool, etc etc etc, AND the worst part is I love fashion. *eye rolls* Don't even get me started on the available fashions for big girls, AND THEN the narrow amount of applicable fashion that I can wear. Bleh. There are a few companies who I would LOVE, LOVE LOVE ,  ,, and just LOVE some more to be able to wear EVERYTHING they make, *horny toad* * OOM* and a couple bamboo and eco friendly companies make KILLER clothing! and so soft I can wear it absolutely any day of the week , spoons , sensory issues or none. BUT and the big BUTT is the problem here X) **joke** I have a great ass, and their clothing just doesn't come in anything but hippie size small *and smaller*. I lucked out ONCE at Terra 20 and found the one exception to the size issue, just once, and it is one of my favorite peices of clothing I own :)

  *** and now I'm hooked and wish there were more!***

4)Good days are good, but boy can bad days be bad. Anyone who has ever experienced the extremes of Anxiety, or Depression, or Autistic Meltdown mode , either from the inside *self experience* or the outside *a friend or a parent of someone hitting Meltdown mode* knows just how taxing those days can be. 

I get them, not as often anymore, especially since we moved, but they can take out my spoons for the rest of a week. And even worse they take spoons from people close to me :(
The last thing I want to do is take spoons from HB, he needs all his too!

5) The expectations of being an adult. I think everyone gets hit with this, at some point. I just feel like it hits me every couple of days at the moment like Ramona Flower's big freekin' hammer!

I'm supposed to be able to do all these things that make people adults, cooking , cleaning , taking care of things, paying bills, doing the job thing, and going out to play cards and party with my also adult friends. 

The family thing, the kids thing, the being successful things. Its a lot! Its a lot of expectation to put on ANYONE! For me , it just seems to overwhelm me, takes over like a huge wave that sweeps you off your feet , tumbles you over and over and when you feel like you're just going to give up and suck that salt water into your lungs it dashes you up onto a jaggeddy rocky beach, and you lost your sandals in the surf. BLEH.

There are so many things I feel like I should have accomplished by now, but I don't even feel like I'm the age I really am chronologically. Does that make sense?

Like, I've got ALMOST 30 years experience here, but that CAN'T be how old I am, dammit! I still just want to go make sand castles at the beach and swing, spend summer outside and stuff! Geeze O.O

ANYWAY!! ON TO THE GOOD STUFF!

Five victories, that keep me going:

1) I have a man that absolutely loves me absolutely. HoneyBee is my tether line to the world, the strong arms around me when I feel the least worthy, the hands that help pick me up and dust me off *sometimes litterally* on the bad days, my heart and my soul outside my own body. <3

I appreciate having someone in my life that sticks even through the tough stuff, and doesn't mind peanut butter and egg toast. *which, is really good by the way* ( and you are NOT a saint X)
*julie and julia reference*

2) I am an awesome artist, this sort of makes up for the lack of working, because I can whip out my sketchbook and say, THIS , is what I DO. If I worked 40 hours a week *I have before, it sucked* I wouldn't be able to create, these wonderful things. I wouldn't be able to reach out to people with my comic, I wouldn't be making others smile. I wouldn't be making ME smile. I love that MY work is ENJOYED!

That makes the not working thing, a little easier to be ok with. I have great things just waiting to happen to me, I just know it :)

3)I live in a great place. Once huge accomplishment that HB and I both have done this year is moving to a good and safe environment. We were in a SUPER bad spot with drugs and such bad sounds coming from underneath and beside us it was awful! Not to mention the construction on Churchill, which is continuing on through the entirety of this summer as well. We took the situation and kicked its ass! We moved .

We are close to friends, my Gramma AND the beach. There are places to walk and be still, and its safe.

Its our first place on our own , that we both feel safe, more grown up, more capable and able to care for our surroundings and one another. I'm so proud of us for doing this well here in our new home.

4) I'm learning to say NO. For anyone who knows how hard that is, I'm going to leave this one short and sweet. I know how to say NO, and I will, and do say NO if I need to. 

5) I am ok. I am enough.

The expectations I place on myself represented by the demands placed on my shoulders by society, 

ARE BUNK! They are a pile of llama poop. I defy , and tell myself, I am enough!

We're keeping house, we're cooking, we're job finding, we're paying bills, we have JUST enough money, we're planning with family and family planning, we're doing all the adult-y stuff, HB and Me.

WE'RE OK, that , is the most important victory to me. Beyond that, there is TIME!

I have time to do things that I want to do and I have to look back and celebrate how far I've come!

There are SO many things that people told me I could and never would accomplish, but I have!

The list is ever growing, and you know what , I have 30 years experience on this green and blue rock floating through the cosmos, and I'm going to continue to live well, love deeply, build more sandcastles, swing on more swings, and spend as many summers outside as I can :)

Love and a Spoon

<3 (___)=========

Autism Acceptance Month and #HAWMC Day 17!

TV Matchup. Think of a TV show that compares to your life. What is it? Who
would you be, who would your friends and family be?


Weeeell, today's is another rather tough subject to cover , but not why you might think!
HoneyBee and I just , don't watch TV O.O (at least, not very much!)
We haven't had cable in more than 5 years now, we gave it up for a couple reasons, one being its bloody well expensive! Its either internet and phone OR cable. That leads to the next thing people usually say, its pretty much without fail that the next words out of anyone's mouths are: Oh we don't have cable either! We just download/stream/torrent it! Are you saying you don't have a computer, because its really easy even my kid figured it out.

Oh... um...., gee, thank you,,, ,, for making me feel like I'm completely incapable.
 **just to put it out there, kids these days are frakkin' bright ok!? These short little folks who've been on this planet less than half my time are SMART O.O**

I totally DO have a computer, **duh** but we CHOOSE not to download/ stream/torrent tv either.

 There are very few exceptions, we do download a few shows every year, but I feel no need to be stuck in front of a tv for hours on hours because I WILL get obsessive and watch the WHOLE series in one go. *eye rolls*
Its awful, its not a lack of willpower , its just like a train with no brakes,
hyperfocus superpower's evil side effect.
I do have a couple tv series on dvd that I like to play for background noise, big bang theory,avatar the last airbender, legend of korra and HB finds Ru Paul every week because its something we watch together for an hour every week, its our time together <3 That, however is pretty much the extent of our tv watching.

ANYWAYS! Having explained all that , I had no idea what show I could compare to my life.
I suppose the closest one would be The Addams family, before the kids. The college days shall we say!

I can just imagine Gomez and Morticia in their first appartment *we actually have a sign that says "insane assylum" above our door* Books , dust and monsters hiding in every corner, we even have witch cats.
Working together , doing the kitchen dance , taking moonlight walks for midnight popsicles :)
I have a strange extended family, which fits with Morticia, and HB has Gomez's energy and bounding ideas and both of us are magnolia pale so avoidance of the sun via parasol and copious amounts of sunscreen are kind of odd but necessary in the summer. Yep, I think that fits.

So the Addams family, before the kids.
**here's how I imagine they met :)**

In case my writing is illegible
in this pic:
Gomez
"Morticia right?
Hello, I'm Gomes!
You're studying french?!
TRES JOLIE!
I happen to ADORE french!
Its the language of LOVE
N'est pas?
I'd also love to take you out
to dinner!

Can we do dinner? ? ?.. .. ..

Or perhaps lunch?
Une petite dejeune?

..  . .. .  Brunch? .. .       .. .."

Coffee?

Morticia:

" Cafe au Lait"

Gomez:  O.O

"OH! BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!

THATS FRENCH!" :D




Thats all for today!
See you all tomorrow :)

Love and a Spoon
<3 (___)=========

Autism Acceptance Month and #HAWMC Day 16!

Wordless Wednesday. We all know a picture is worth a 1,000 words.
Post/share a picture that relays a message or story to the viewer.

Love and a Spoon

<3 (___)========

Autism Acceptance Month and #HAWMC Day 15! ** Halfway there!**

“Health tagline” Give yourself, your blog, your condition, or some aspect of
your health a tagline. Make sure it’s catchy!

I think I hit the nail pretty much on the head with the name of my blog, my tagline is:

What's the A.S.Deal!?

Though I think it might be handy if I explained the title a little bit :)

It started with HoneyBee and I talking about loud sounds and why they bother me and he said,

'' Hey what's the deal with that?''

I replied

'' It's an A.S.D thing, its an A.S."Deal"  "

And thats literally just how it popped out, the perfect title to the little comics I was working on at the time.

And it stuck! 

I started drawing WTASD in June while on family vacation, so 

in just a short while I will have been cartooning just silly little daily happenings, tackling life as a pen and paper character and taking the step from Awareness to Acceptance for a whole YEAR!

I guess I'll have to do something special! 

Thats it for today! Short and sweet :)

Love and a Spoon 

<3 (___)=========

Autism Acceptance Month and #HAWMC Day 14!

Well that’s just crazy! What’s the most ridiculous thing you've heard about
your health condition? Was there any context? What did you think at the
time you heard it – and what do you think of it now?

I've heard A LOT of ridiculous things about Autism Spectrum Disorder. Especially when regarding my 

attempts at finding a re-diagnosis. You see, when I was little ,my pediatrician diagnosed me with PDD-NOS 

as well as a few other label-y type things, so I thought it would be easy to re-aquire now much needed papers. (All originals perished by fire when I was small, and my pediatrician has long since passed away. This is one heck of a journey I've set myself up for!)

Here are some of the comments I've had to butt heads with so far, some from Doctors, some from family, some from friends and some from people I don't even know.

YOU CAN'T BE AUTISTIC! YOU....... 

-wear makeup! 

-dress like a girl.

-smell good.

-suck at math!

-A GIRL! 

-are too emotional to be autistic.

-don't mean AUTISM autism? You must be an Ass Burger right?  *spelling intended*

-are making it up.

-don't scream, flap or rock.

-are smart!

-TALK!

-like people.

-look fine to me.

-are just looking for attention! man, thats low.

-are just a little bit of an introvert, you just need to get out more, you wanna go have a drink?

-are so normal! I never would have guessed, you look just fine!

-hug people, aren't Autistic people supposed to be , like , devoid of emotion and stuff?

From my doctor: Its all in your head, its because you're depressed because you're FAT. Lose some weight!You'll feel so much better, instead of eating big meals , just grab a handful of trail mix. Just don't eat so much.You're not an Autistic, I've never heard of a female having it anyway.

**for those who don't know me, I AM a curvy girl and I always have been, I'm cool with that and eat very mindfully to maintain my health**

Long story short, Doctor put me on meds that took me to a faraway dark place that I wasn't comfy with, so I quit taking the meds, and FIRED that doctor, I don't need that kind of BULL-ony in my life! 

Here are my thoughts on the silly things people have said:

wear makeup

-I do wear makeup, its like warpaint for me to go out into a very hostile world. It helps me fit in stealthily.

dress like a girl

-I am a girl, therefore am capable of dressing howEVER the heck I want! Usually the deciding factor is how

soft and comfortable the clothing is. Some days its dresses, some days its jeans.

smell good

-Duh, I bathe, just like everyone else. Though it is well known that some children with ASD don't enjoy 

showering, its a huge assault on the sensory chart. I, happen to love showering etc. 

suck at math

- Nope, I'm not good at math, or computers! I AM however an amazing artist! I can create like nobody's business, for hours or days at a time. Everyone has something that they are good at , however, not all people on spectrum have savant capabilities.

are a girl

-Yes, I am a woman on spectrum, first off, the media would have you think that kids are the only ones being affected by Autism at the moment. What they fail to say is the fact that litterally any person you happen to meet on any given day may have autism :)  Autism does not discriminate between age, gender association, race, religion, height or anything like that. I know many people on spectrum right from a three year old boy, to an almost 70 year old woman!

are too emotional to be autistic.

- I am emotional, because I feel the world in a different way than you do. Last summer , I stepped on a tiny toad and killed it by accident. D: I cried, I couldn't help it. I know it may sound odd ,but HB and I toasted the silly little toad and said good things of the departing kind. I am emotional, and I definitely feel things WAY more hardcore than most people. Memories that happen sometimes feel absolutely real, and I'm totally crying right now because I accidentally killed a fekkin' toad ... ... . ahg.  

don't mean AUTISM autism? You must be an Ass Burger right?  *spelling intended*

-yes, AUTISM autism, its a very broad spectrum,and no, I don't have Aspergers, very funny though, I've NEVER heard that joke before.

are making it up.

-I dare you to live with me for a week and see me at home where I am purely myself , and tell me I'm making it up. Better yet, go have coffee with my Husband. He'll let you off the hook and just tell you how silly that sounds to him, the one who sees me everyday, and helps me in more ways than I can count. <3

don't scream, flap or rock.
-Actually, you're right on the screaming, I would scare the sh*t out of myself by making such an awful noise.

However , again, spend a week with me where I'm not trying to suppress or pass as absolutely normal, or just ACTUALLY pay attention, I stim a lot. And flapping and rocking is only the beginning of a long list of motor stims that I do in a day, I've also had 29 years experience at living in this world, I can hide most telltale signs of Autism for great lengths of time, however there is a kickback that I have to be prepared for. 

SOCIAL HANGOVER, my recovery time after passing in public is significantly longer than that of average introverts.

are smart!

-wow, that , was just rude. Yes , many if not most Autistic people are smart, most more than the person who made this comment! Even if a person doesn't communicate by conventional method, doesn't mean they aren't absorbing EVERYTHING around them :) Some are total GENIUSES! 

TALK!

- Um, yea? Sure , some people with Autism don't speak, but SO so many do :) Even those who don't speak with their mouths often find other very effective ways of communicating! Text to speech devices and sign language are just two examples ! 

like people.

-well sure I like people,don't you? I just do better in smaller groups or one on one. I have many friends and family that I care about, and I do like seeing them all, just not all at once!

look fine to me

-Sure I look fine, there's nothing ''wrong'' with me, I am Autistic, I don't have the plague. 

are just looking for attention, man thats low.

-Oh , yea, because this is such a fun thing to do! Jumping and covering my ears when loud unexpected sounds happen, being socially awkward, losing my voice when I get stressed out and upset  etc etc etc are soooo much fun, and totally don't make me feel like the blue sheep in a herd of cows. Geeze louize.

are just a little bit of an introvert, you just need to get out more, you wanna go have a drink?

-I am an introvert, that comes with the territory of being me, I get out plenty! I love being outside, and no thank you, I don't much like going to bars. I don't mind going dancing sometimes but I have to wear ear plugs and sit a while to get used to the moving lights, I have a tendancy to bash into things or fall over.. 

are so normal! I never would have guessed, you look just fine!

-Ok? thanks? Thats ok that you never guessed, I never told you or showed you, and again,, I don't have the plague...

hug people, aren't Autistic people supposed to be , like , devoid of emotion and stuff?

- Again, see the emotion part up there? I just feel things differently, and as for the hugging thing?

It really depends who wants a hug, how I'm feeling on a particular day, and whether a person asks me before hugging me. This all goes for any type of touching based socialization.

ALWAYS ASK FIRST! This really should go for anyone, there are very few people I enjoy hugs from and only one person in the world that I am ok with hugging me absolutely anytime :)

**I have actually punched someone in the face when they tackle hugged me from behind, I felt terrible, but they took me by total surprise and I couldn't tell who it was at the time..**

Ok! This post is getting WAY too long, so to sum it all up, take what the media tells you with a salt shaker
, if you have questions about Autism, I have some great sites in my references section and a number of good books listed! Or, you can ask me, or any other adult open about their Autism, most of us wont mind answering any questions you may have.
 Just remember to be kind, EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE X)

And that is why Autism acceptance month is something I chose to participate in this year, because if we don't talk about it, how will you know?

Thanks for putting up with all this wordy-ness! O.O Holy Cats what  long post!

Love and a Spoon

<3 (___)=========