Sunday, 21 December 2014

Happy Yule! - Date night dinner-

Remember , right click and open in a new tab to be able to use the magnifying tool !

This is what we do on date nights! Home made dinner, minecraft dates, 5$ movies from HMV , its all the small things that add up and make us happy :)

This was drawn about a month and a half ago, my tummy sticks out quite a bit more now!
But this comic still has relevance today, it shows a good part of the things I have to be thankful for this Yule <3

We have a happy home, sometimes the dishes aren't done, sometimes the house is messier than we mean it to be, but thats ok, because we're happy, we are happy here together in the warm, in the blanket fort, playing minecraft,
I'm thankful for my happy home!

We have the fuzzbabies, Roxxie and Rohman, they are an endless source of purring, unconditional love *so long as the tub has a puddle of water* they give us comfort and friendship and that unnerving feeling that we're being watched in the night X)
I'm thankful for my Cats!

We have food in our cupboards, heat in our house, and some presents under our *singing* tree.
Some of these things couldn't have been had without a little help this season, so I'm thankful to the people who helped us have these things,
I am thankful for the creature comforts in our home!

I am thankful for our family and friends!

So thankful for all of these amazing people that  I '' can't even! " X)

We have a baby on the way, I'm thankful that he is healthy and growing like a weed, I'm so happy that HB reads him stories and that he moves and punches when he hears his Dad come in the door from work, that we can share in this journey all of us together is hugely important for me.
A Mum a Dad and a Baby, in a loving , happy home, *with cats* its so storybook to me its almost unbelievable.
I'm thankful that the little Poppleton is healthy and so well loved!

Most of all though, I'm thankful for Honeybee <3
He's quirky and throws his sox off as soon as he gets in the door, is just as odd as I am, and loves me for just exactly who I am.

There's always more that I'm thankful for, always always, its just so hard to put it down into print,
 I'll just leave it with this thought,
My heart is full, and we're happy.
Thats the best thing I could hope for this season :)

File finding and Popsicles = True Love!

My brains are so tired, it was a good day!
HB saved the day twice this week, once with popsicles yesterday and once today, the little sketch above saved as a file type that my photoshop wouldn't recognize!
(There were definitely some hormone and frustration induced tears )
Somehow, just somehow he got it to open after I thought it was lost for good !

Honeybee, you are the best ever !

(I know there are things that motherrisk says are 'probably' or 'may be' safe for use with colds while expecting, but really the amount of worrying that I would put my mind through would just not do.
So far, the old natural remedies , and sleep have been working just fine!)
** With a few Orange Popsicles making the best of the worst X) **

<3 (__)======

Sunday, 30 November 2014

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! And I've won a prize! :)

I can't believe it ! I've won something! :D

I entered a contest at  and I was picked to win one of ten prizes !
How neat is that!?

The way it worked was there were ten prizes and ten names drawn for all sorts of cool stim toys and  really good books etc, seen here :
Each person chosen , in order could pick whatever they liked of the ten and the remaining people would pick from the remaining prizes down the order so on and so on.
I was picked #9 I think, and so I got to pick between numbers nine and ten , of which, # 1O IS THE BOOK THAT I REALLY ACTUALLY WANTED TO WIN!
How darn cool is that!?
Maybe I've been watching a bit too much Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but , "WOO HOO!"

For those of you that have been reading along with me , you know my battle, getting re-diagnosed so that I have proper documentation of my autism has been a long one and the fight has been hard, degrading at times and I had almost given up more than once. I think this book couldn't be making its way to me at a better or more relevant time in my life, tomorrow , it will be a week to the day that I once again have my formal diagnosis!
That means , I can start feeling like I'm not telling an untruth * I knew I wasn't but oftentimes felt like I was because I could "prove" nothing* It means , I can start to actively live with this wonderful affirmation from a little piece of paper that tells professionals in my life that I'm not borderline, I'm not depressed, I'm not OCD, I'm not 'just fat' *because apparently that makes it all in your head*


I am so happy , just so happy :)
That's three amazing things this week, I received my formal bit of paper, HB and I got to see our baby boy during our ultrasound AND I've won a book that I'd been coveting for some months!

What an awesome week <3

Friday, 21 November 2014

IT'S A ?????

Remember , to see in more detail, right click and open in a new tab
for the magnifying tool!

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Throwback Thursday! (Trigger warning, dog bites)

Yep, I'm joining in the #TBT (Throwback Thursday) Shenanigans XD

Here's a comic I drew and inked after an incident last spring, but I haven't been able to touch
until now, because , well, I can still hear the dog, and the sounds that I made that I scared myself with!
Its not a fun memory and still pretty vivid O.o
So, here we go!

(Remember to right click the picture and open in a new tab for the magnifying glass feature!)

Ok, so maybe I'm a LITTLE afraid of dogs still X)
But can you blame me? That sucked! So when I can't see a dog coming , or when they unexpectedly bark at me , I'm still pretty jumpy O.o
The good thing is, I have some really good friends with really well behaved dogs that I've been able to hang out with and try to acclimatize myself around again, Leah's got Fezzik (who may or may not be a deer in disguise) he's a greyhound with a lovely personality, my Mum has Chandler, my brother's service dog, Alex and little Aelia, and ALisa and Brian have this (previously little) ball of hair that is as big as a grown dog at four months of age , Creedence. She's massive! And awesome!
All of these fuzzbabies are helping me slowly to trust dogs again, I've even gone to Bruce pit which is like a doggie playground for off collar fun, and the anxiety wasn't too bad :)

First day, after calming down

Two weeks later O.o

Lookit the pretty universe colors!
4 weeks of bruise!

Finally week 7! Its going away!
5 weeks and starting to heal nicely

It took about two months for the
darned thing to heal all together!
I'm just thankful, like I said in the comic, that it A: wasn't a little kid's face! The force with which that dog hit me was like a damned baseball bat on four legs!
B: That I wasn't pregnant! O.O
I can only imagine the force of the lunge and the stress and trauma, may not have been a good thing  if I WAS pregnant at that time D:
Thankful thankful thankful O.O

I think the worst part, other than the residual anxiety (PTSD?) that I'm still experiencing, is that, I know that I can run into this dog again ANY TIME, because bylaw wouldn't do ANYTHING.
I would have had to go and apprehend the dog myself and bring it in!! WHAT!?
Right, right , I'll get right on that O.o  NOT.

I've seen the bad yellow dog once more, with Alex and his little dog, and Honeybee. I didn't realize it was THAT dog until HB started leading me away from it, putting himself between everyone and me, and Alex and little dog did the same too, and that bad yellow dog tried to get us again!!!
(insert panic attack # 2 right there!)

Euw euw euuuw euw eeeeuuuuwwww! :(
I wish there was some way I could warn people on the path to Grama's house, I used to feel totally safe walking it by myself and now I have to go the long way to bypass that part :/

I shouldn't have to. The bad dog should have a muzzle on if it goes after people like that.
I think, anyway.

Alrighty! Enough with this Throwback Thursday, I've got Gnomes to draw and Comics to ink!
Thank you to all my friends and their well mannered dogs for your love and support over the time that I've found myself affected by this EXTRA anxiety :)

*like I needed more right!? X) *

Love and a Spoon
<3 (___)=========

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

We're back up and inking and there's BIG NEWS!

Hey everyone! I'm working in a new size format!
The words will appear too small here, so RIGHT CLICK AND OPEN IN A NEW TAB!
Then you'll have the magnifying glass tool to use :)
Thank you SO much for popping in!

Ta Daaaaah! Good surprise to come back with eh?
I know many of my friends will already know from our facebook outing but I wanted to do something super special for WTASD <3
Here was our previous announcement--------------------->

It should be a fun ride , I think!
A totally different sensory experience O.O
And Oh my GAWD I never thought I could cry more
and be MORE sensitive to EVERYTHING than
I already was !
It makes me laugh so hard I cry and cry so hard I laugh X)

I hope you all enjoyed our comeback as much as I do!

Love and a Spoon
<3 (___)========

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Something happened this week, it comes with a TRIGGER WARNING.

Something happened this week.
Not to me , but it affects me, because you know what it could have been me, if my parent 
hadn't loved me the way she did. The way she does. Despite and all with my differences and deficiencies, she takes the time and care to have me as I am.
A mother killed her child this week, and the world at large is saying poor her, she must have been so overwhelmed and mentally unwell.
That poor child.
That poor child!
But the world says poor her, she was going through so much, I understand why she did it.
I understand how hundreds of children die at the hands of parents and caregivers every year because they were exhausted, because they couldn't deal , because they were single parents , because because because because because because because because,
because of a million and one reasons.
The only reason a child with autism dies at the hands of a parent or caregiver is because he is autistic.
The only reason a child with autism is MURDERED at the hands of a parent or caregiver is because
she is AUTISTIC!
This is disgusting, it makes my tummy hurt, it makes my heart ache and I think of the tiny child I'm growing inside me. S/he will be so loved, s/he will be ACCEPTED EXACTLY AS S/HE IS.
But s/he has to grow up in a world where a mother throws her son off a bridge.
Because that boy is like his/her mother.
Because that boy had autsim.
Of couse there were many other factors, there always are, but the difference being, if this young boy in love with soft fuzzy hats and stuffed animals had been neurotypical and verbal, the Queen of Hearts would be calling for her head, along with the rest of the world.
Had he been a neurotypical child, the phone call she made to report her own actions to the police would have been labeled as planning, predestined thought, but because he wasn't it was an act of MERCY?!
An act of mercy, of desperation.
The abuse and murder of neurodivergent people MUST NOT GO UNPUNISHED!
There should be no ''understanding why they did it'' when this happens to a child
a person, AT ANY TIME.
Often the argument I hear is "how would you even know, unless you've been through what they have?"
Karla's ASD Page I think said it best. 
Thank you, thank you , thank you to all the gorgeous loving

parents that I have the absolute honor of knowing, because

you make my heart hurt a little less when I think of how much

you love and honor your children, exactly as they are.

Monday, 27 October 2014

The wedding , the mountain and the end of a Journey

I hope you enjoyed the Journey I shared with you over the summer and fall!
 Thank you so much for reading along and taking the trip with me :)

Stay tuned next week for a special announcement from Honeybee and I here at What's the A.S.Deal!

I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween, Spirited Samhain, very lively Day of the Dead over the weekend and remember to stay safe if you're going trick or treating :)

Love and a Spoon!
<3 (__)========

PS: What are you being for Halloween?! I'd love to see some pictures! :D

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

A sad story.

I'd like to take a pause in my journey to the sea stars story, to tell another story.
                This week my friend crossed the veil to another plane of existance, and I miss her.

Another journey, a different kind. It started for me, almost 10 years ago now in college, I met a vivacious girl going to school for culinary and baking arts. Ashley was great! Full of confidence and life, didn't give a sh*t what anyone thought and she embraced her bodacious curves with gusto declaring that she loved people with all her boobs, because those were bigger than her heart.

She introduced me to my husband, the love of my life.
Honeybee knew her through the early and hardship filled years of high school so they've been friends much longer, there are SO many good stories, I'll have to get him to draw a comic of "The rapids and the centipede of doom!" at some point when the tears stop falling.

As with any friendship, there were ups and they were really good fun ups! And there were big bad ugly downs, and there were the in between times and a lot of growing up. Becoming an adult sucked because life dragged us all away from one another, jobs, no jobs, distance , no car, car, no money , no gas, and just circumstances of life and time being the never slowing ever moving thing that they are.
Life can be kind and time can be fickle.

Two summers ago Ash and her husband Jay took the time and planned a beautiful wedding, they were married in a pretty little open courtyard country-esque place and there was a lot of happiness that day :)
This is all four of us, doesn't she look gorgeous!?

I can't believe its only been two years since that happy day, and she's gone.
Last week my friend passed the veils and her energy left this world for the next, Ash was 29.
Just one year younger than me.

Shortly after her wedding Ash began to feel that something was amiss, she went to the doctor about a lump in her side that was paining her and they just put it off as
 " You're too big, lose some weight and you'll feel better"
I'm so sorry to say that this is what a lot of girls and women who don't meet society's criteria of body image hear from their doctors.

So, Ash took that and went about doing what she loved , being awesome , being a good cat mother, baking ,working and getting ready to make babies!
*Ever since I met Ash she's loved children and been in love with the idea of a large family! Nothing would have made her happier than                                     being married to Jay, and just making a huge happy family*

 A year ago Ash went back to the doctor with a cough, and it turns out that lump was still there, and it felt a little bigger. She knew something wasn't right. The response from the doctor was pretty much the same. Lose weight , and here's a puffer, its probably just asthma.

Life moved forward and time marched on and Ash did lose weight, in fact, she was enjoying eating healthfully and exercising a couple times a week. She even got inspired to go out and join the
"Run or Dye!" which was a huge victory physically, emotionally and I'd say spiritually. It takes hootspa and a rockin' attitude to do that kind of thing :)

 She and Jay took a most excellent trip down south and Ash
rocked a bikini!


And then the cough got a lot worse.
She started losing weight really fast, and that niggley little lump, well, it became a big bad lump
made ferociously apparent by her weightloss.

Ash went to the doctor a third time and they told her it was likely a cyst and that she had walking pnumonia.

What, the , everloving f*ck.
Here's where I start to look back for blame. Thats a lie, I'm looking for blame and liability from the first visit that put her on this path. I'm so mad! I'm livid with the fact that she was so ignored by the "medical community".
That was this past Christmas.
Three months later she went to the hospital for a biopsy because things were just getting worse, her health was suffering! She was half the size of herself in the wedding photo at the top, A MONTH AND A BIT LATER they had a result and she called all of us to come over for dinner and a game night.
She told us she had cancer, the doctors didn't know what type, but they know its cancer. So they were going to do more testing and she said she'd fight it because cancer is perfectly survivable a lot of the time if you catch it! I didn't know whether her enthusiasm to kick its ass was a fake it till you make it, but thats one thing about Ashley, she never wanted you to worry. She just, knew she could beat it and that was that.

So the whole cancer thing kinda put a damper on the starting a family thing, so Ash made the decision that she would just freeze some eggs and she and Jay would just have to have kids after she got better! Her eggs were just about ready when the doctor and put a stop to the process and said that she HAD to start chemotherapy NOW, the cancer was an exceptionally rare type, especially in a woman , under thirty! Sarcoma, and its an aggressive S.O.B.

This is where the story starts to just get scary, and very sad.
Ashley started to pale and seemed to fade and lose her fight, it was really frightening to
see a friend in this state!

 I was afraid she was giving up because the option of children had been taken away from her.

Her health still suffering progressively, her weight still dropping because her breathing was becoming increasingly difficult.
So she decided to put herself in the hospital and we were all really happy that she did!
Her vitality improved, her appetite returned now that she was receiving oxygen , fluids and not coughing ALL the time, it was great! Her fight returned with a bloody vengeance and she kicked the first round of chemo where it hurt!

Honeybee and I were at Kaleidoscope gathering through Ashley's birthday, which was normal, we go to this festival every year to decompress , to heal ourselves for the coming year and to be at peace with the earth, the night , the water and most importantly ourselves.
We didn't know how much we would need it this year.
She was cool with this, because this is something we need to do and we always make the up the lost time after often celebrating our birthdays together.
"I think you guys are some sort of , forest fairies or something, stick you in with the rocks and trees and moss and stuff and you're good :D " - Ash
We thought there would be so much more time.

Fast forward a month , at Ash's house we had another awesome game day between the rounds of chemo, even with the cancer having spread to her lungs, and a chest infection to fend off she was fantastic, HB and I told Ashley that she was going to be an aunty! She was so happy that she cried, and started to plan baby things and look at wedding dresses for me *grins* she SO wanted to see us get married, we've always planned to but have just never had the fundage.
She was so excited for us and happy that we're going to have a baby and that she made first aunt status, even through her sadness at not being able to have any of her own.
We had a great day, Jay made wicked pasta and Ash showed me how to give sweets to the cats, I took this picture which is one of my favorites at the moment, even though she was sick and doing battle at a cellular level she's so beautiful and happy with her fur baby.

The next week she asked me if I was up to trying my hand at a henna crown, I wasn't but I'm so glad that I did, because by the end of the day we had had an awesome time , all our moods were lifted and she was giggling like a kid X)

She loved it and I loved that she loved it <3
The next time we were able to visit her was at the hospital, and she spent the whole time showing me wedding dresses , talking babies, and life coaching HB towards his goal of finding a job.
She was so good at that , talking you into believing in yourself :)
We spent hours just chittering about silly things and crunching potato chips, because its one of the things that chemo didn't change the taste of. *She cried so hard when blue freezies didn't taste like blue freezies anymore :(  *

There's only so much time a pregnant lady can spend sitting on uncomfy hospital stools and Ashley was getting sleepy, so we collected the hug tax and told her we'd see her on friday after Honeybee's interview day on Thursday.
That was Monday, Tuesday passed uneventfully, we visited a good friend who let us borrow her washer and just spend time in a quiet , spiritually safe spot. We didn't know how much we would need that until the next day.
Wednesday hit us hard and fast, we woke to a call in the morning, Ash had stood up in the night and her femur had snapped! I cried, I've broken bones, its scary at the best of times, I didn't want her to be hurt like that! The femur is one of the hardest bones in the body to break!
We called home to Honeybee's dad, just to talk it out, and he said that was pretty run of the mill for chemo patients, that if she was strong enough she'd be ok. We were reassured for a little while, but something still felt wrong.
Thursday, one of our other friends close to Ashley called us with devastating news, Ash had had surgery to fix her leg, but her body was shutting down, she just couldn't handle all the damage from the cancer, the chemo, breaking her femur AND the surgery to try and repair it.

This was likely going to be her last day.
Time had just blown up.
Honeybee was the one on the phone, and I just saw his colour drop and he started stammering and hyperventilating, it was awful. To see someone you love so much in such emotional pain.
Of course he had an interview to get to in just one hour. Adrianne got his attention and reminded him how much Ashley wanted him to succeed at this interview and further than that , succeed at life , and being a husband and soon enough a great Daddy.
She told him that she , and Ashley didn't want him to come to the hospital today, because it would be too hard for such an old and good friend, she wanted him to remember her better, healthier and more herself. At this time she was not conscious and the doctors did not expect her to return from it.
So, we didn't.
And he did gather his courage and all the hootspa that he could muster, and got to the interview.
He got there at 1:55 ish for a 2pm interview, they were late so he sat and had a coffee until 2:05.
HB got the job right there that day!
It turns out Ash held his hand through the entire interview, she had passed at 2:01.

*gotta stop and have a good cry just here , brb*

We didn't know it at the time, but my Mum turned up later in the afternoon, Ashley had made sure that someone would tell us in person, so that we wouldn't find out via facebook.
She knew that I had obsessive issues with death and that HB having been her friend for almost 2 decades would take it hard.
And it WAS hard, it IS.

So, tomorrow, we're going together with friend to Ashley's wake.
I'm preparing myself to see my friend look not like my friend anymore, and trying to stay sane and remind myself that she's still here, just as a little less organised energy. Like taking off an old heavy winter coat when the spring comes.

The next day is her funeral.
This is going to suck, but we'll keep on breathing, keep on moving forward.

I'm going to miss my friend, my baby's best Auntie , my husband's best friend , confidant , encourager and raging centipede squisher !

Its awful , but I feel that if Ashley had been taken seriously by the medical community, she would still be alive and fighting or maybe even in remission today. I could still see her smiling face the next game night and get my a$$ handed to me at the Trains game -Ticket to Ride-
 *which, is really good , your should play it!*

But they didn't take her seriously because she carried extra weight, like I do. Like many women do.
And I blame them. Every single person who tells a woman *or man* nothing is wrong, you're just fat, lose some weight and you'll be fine. It is YOUR fault that my friend is gone, that my Honeybee, her best friend is so damned sad, that her family is hurting with the loss of a daughter and sister, it is YOUR fault that her husband is a widower grieving a clever,beautiful loving young wife.
I hope some day this stigma changes, what if we could have caught it sooner because someone chose to ignore stigma and look past what they saw physically to the underlying issue?
She could still be here.
But she's not.

By no means was she a saint,
 but be damned if she didn't live life with courage, enthusiasm and vibrance!
Thank you SO MUCH Ashley, for being my friend, I'm not good at making them and you just took me up and loved me with all your boobs! You introduced me to my best friend and gave me my  rediculously lovely husband, without you I wouldn't be the myself I am today, and I'm going to tell my Poppy all about her *or his* wonderful Auntie! <3

I'm going to miss my friend very much. :(

Friday, 25 July 2014

Summer and strange looking bugs

I hope you're all having a wonderful summer vacation!
I'm back with a  little blast from the past black and white comic goodness :)
I know I've been wanting to post more than I am but summer is a little hard for me, there's no
real schedule, and I have to try and move and do and live around different henna dates and try my best not to get thrown off by changes in plans. *there are SO many changes to plans in the summer that are totally beyond my control, which drives me up the wall a little, but I try my best to stay in the swing of things !*

The answer of course , is , myself.
It took me a long time to grow my hair out, and sometimes I wish it was short again, but over the last 2 years of growing it, I've also grown into someone that I wasn't before. * if that makes sense* its sort of a visual for the change and level of acceptance that I've given myself the last two years to create and grow!
So, maybe the real question is , how do I stay myself and still have the confidence to change my appearance in a way that pleases me without changing the good things I've cultivated within myself?
Change is always hard, and hair changes are super hard because it takes so long to grow out if you hate it. O.o
*I had one haircut that was SO bad, the lady didn't listen that I had HB just cut it all off, it was a cute pixie-esque style, but still, that was BIG CHANGE and fast, I didn't think about it, just did it,,, ,, there was much anxiety and many tears, but you know, you get through <3 *

Just as an end note to this post, August is going to be SO MUCH FUN! but SO BUSY!


I'm going to take you on my vacation to the coast over the next couple weeks !
I'm going to show you my journey to the sea stars in 2010, its a blast from the past, but I really loved the trip that much that I'd like to share it with you :)

Alrighty then, thats it from me today! See you soon with the beginning of my "Journey to the Sea Stars"

Love and a Spoon
<3 (__)=======

Friday, 16 May 2014

Membership Card.

A post about bullying, you've been warned!
As you all know, writers often use things that happen in their life that inspire them, I appologize in advance if I offend anyone with the following comic. It is an often coined phrase, 'don't make me write you into my novel, I could kill your character!' While I'm not going to be offing anyone's character , you DO have to know that being near me, you may inspire comics, you may appear or have words in my comics.
So , I'm sorry. :/
**AND I'm not mad or anything with anyone, just to clarify,
 I hope no one will be mad with me.. ...**
No names appear, however the words are actual things that people have said or written that have disheartened me , and emboldened me to write about Bullying in the Spoonie community , however it applies to everyone else in ALL communities as well.
Having said all that, we all screw up sometimes, we all make mistakes, if no one tells you what you may have done ''wrong'' or how you offended them , how can we make positive change?
 The fact is that I've been avoiding putting this one up for fear of the backlash that I may find waiting for me at the tips of fingertips on keyboards. The way I see it is , if I've affected or offended enough to make people angry, then I've done what a good writer will do. I've made you think. Ok. So, here 'goes.

Larger versions of all these *I realize how teeny the writing may be* can be found at
my deviantart gallery, please go there if you're having a difficult time reading it here.

Love and a Spoon
<3 (___)========